...and what have we done?
This kept running through my mind yesterday,
esp. the part about "let's hope it's a good one,
without any fear." I don't know what Lennon was referring to
when he wrote the line -
but it feels like the right song to be humming
while this Rome of ours cracks in half.
I feel a quiet peace this year; so different than the last.
There's a weird duality to my daily life, a membrane between
the now and the ghosts of what was.
I do a lot of internal "la-la-la-la"-ing to keep
my head and heart from going places I'm not ready to go just yet...
as if there were protective
forces (Jedi knights), in my head telling me:
"this is not the thought you're looking for."
I'm grateful for this instinct to protect myself, to dissemble;
to buy time ahead of the inevitable.
Some days I can look Robert's death in the eye,
and others I just can't.
I'm getting a slow handle on it.
I'm hopeful that some other Romans will figure out the rest,
and I hope they get it right.
